Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a woman at church once eating plain M&M's. Someone noticed she was picking out all of the brown ones. So, they approached her and asked, "Why are you not eating the brown M&M's?".

She replied, "I don't want to eat chocolate."

A man joins a Tibetan temple. He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year. After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says, “More blankets. ”
Another year passes, and he visits the head monk and says, “More food. ” The man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but he’s drained by the long days of work. He calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say, “I’m leaving. ”
“Good, ” the head monk replies. “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here. ”

Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

Psychologists subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician - a topologist, by the way - to an experiment: Each of them is locked in a room for a day - hungry, with a can of food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper.
At the end of the day, the psychologists open the engineer's room first. Pencil and paper are unused, but the walls of the room are covered with dents. The engineer is sitting on the floor and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open.
The physicist is next. The paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating, too: He calculated how exactly to throw the can against the wall, so that it would crack open.
When the psychologists open the mathematician's room, the paper is also full of formulas, the can is still closed, and the mathematician has disappeared. But there are strange noises coming from inside the can...
Someone gets an opener and opens more...

Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass? ”, he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food. ”, The poor man replied.
“Oh, come along with me then. ”
“But sir, I have a wife with two children! ”
“Bring them along! And you, come with me too! ”, he said to the other man.
“But sir, I have a wife with six children! ” The second man answered.
“Bring them as well! ”
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says “sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ”
The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall! ”

I was married twice," explained the man to a newly discovered drinking companion, "and I'll never marry again. My first wife died after eating poison mushrooms and my second died of a fractured skull."

"That's a shame," offered the friend. "How did that happen?"

"She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."