Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
One day a couple of guys are working at the wood mill eating their lunches when this dog shows up to eat their scraps. After they are done eating, the dog starts licking his balls. One of the guys shouts "Man I wish I could do that!" The other guy says "If you did, the dog might bite you."
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, “Why are you eating grass? ”
“We don’t have no money for food, ” the first man replied.
“Then you must come with me to my house, ” insisted the lawyer.
“But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here, ” said the man.
“Bring them along! ” replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, “I got a wife and six kids! ”
“Bring them as well! ”, the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ”
The lawyer replied, “I’m most happy to do it. You’ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall. ”
A man eating at restaurant says to his waiter, 'waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' The waiter replies, 'That, sir, is entirely possible, you see our cook used to be a tailor.'
THERE WAS A BOY HE WAS EATING A BAG OF M&MS AND RIDING HIS BIKE EVERY TIME HE WOULD EAT A M&M HE WOULD TAKE A BITE OF A CAT HE DID THIS FOR A MILE THEN SOME OLD WOMAN STOPED HIM AND ASK HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING AND HE SAID (BITCH IM A TRUCK DRIVER IM POPPING PILLS AND EATING PUSSY)
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
'Hey,' he called.' I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you guys wild rabbits?'
'Yes we are. We're so glad you escaped, welcome to freedom, please come and join us,' they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and after normal rabbit introductions, started eating the grass. It tasted so good.' What else do you free rabbits do?' he asked.
'Well,' one of them said.' You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.'
This, he couldn't more...
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks. "No, not at all", the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few".
"Oh that's all right", the woman says, "Ever since i lost my teeth all i can do is suck the chocolate off them".