Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate. Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going. "How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod. In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful. As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and more...

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass? ” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food, ” the poor man replied. “Oh, come along with me then. ” “But sir, I have a wife with two children! ” “Bring them along! And you, come with too! ” he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children! ” the second man answered. “Bring them as well! ” They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ” The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about six inches high! ”

China will be placing restrictions on adoptions, barring overweight foreigners from adopting its children. This is clearly targeted at Americans, who tend to be overweight.
That’s pretty good: They send their people over here like every other culture does - to open restaurants where their ethnic cuisine is four time as rich as it is in the motherland, supposedly to suit the American palate but really it’s to make Americans too fat to fight in battle - while the ethnics somehow stay thin eating their food.
They’re fattening us up for the slaughter! And now they don’t even want us adopting their children, lest they grow up too fat to spy on us.
Or maybe China just wants to know that the Chinese who get to leave aren’t going to be eating any better than the ones who are starving in China.

Once A Burgler Enters A House. He Goes To The Kitchen & He Opened The Freezer. Wife Knew This And Told Her Husband: Listen I Think Some One Is Eating Our Food From The Freezer. Husband: Let Him Do That. Idiot, After Eating That He Will Never Do Theft Again.

Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

My most memorable one was, after being lightly smacked on the butt and asking, "What was that for?" "Nothing. DO something and see what you get." I once got smacked and when I asked, "What was that for?" my mom replied, That's for all the things I never found out about." If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me! Variation: Cut your legs off in that lawnmower, don't you come running to me! If you poke your eye out with that thing, don't come looking for me! You always find things in the last place you look. Keep doing that with your face and it'll stay that way. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Variation: (speaking in time with the spanking) This(spank) hurts(spank) me(spank) more(spank)..... I want you to go find something for me to spank you with. Mother to my Father: "He's got my looks and your brains!" "He's your son!"I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. What were you thinking more...

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything thing to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys says, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The lawyer replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!"