Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

. .. It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
. .. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up.
. .. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
. .. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper.
. .. It was Mummy Bear who set the table.
. .. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, more...

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.
2. Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil more...

10. Get up early on Christmas morning, dress up as Father Christmas, and lie on the middle of their bedroom floor in a pool of fake blood.

9. Get the plastic thing from the middle of a Kinder Egg, and put it in your mouth and spit it out at them really hard.

8. Tell them that Hitler lives in their bedroom light, and that if they turn the light on, he'll come out and get them.

7. And then turn the light on.

6. Show them a home video of their parents screaming, and tell the child that "Mummy and Daddy are trapped in the television forever".

5. Give them a pomegranate to eat, and halfway through the eating, explain that it's really a dog's heart.

4. Stuff a sleeping bag with loads of pillows and sheets so that it looks as if a person is in there. Say, "Sssh! Mummy is sleeping". And then start jumping up and down on the sleeping bag, making evil grunting sounds.

3. While eating roast chicken, more...

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
21. When they're not looking, empty your bladder into an empty glass. Show contents to everyone and say, "This apple juice tastes funny. Here. Try some."
22. Every time someone takes a bite of their food, laugh uncontrollably. Stop suddenly and warn everyone not to laugh. Then take a bite of yours while giving everyone an evil eye.
23. Get a friend. Practice weightlifting tables. If people complain, weightlift them.
24. Get some clean plates and empty glasses. Sit down and stare them down.
25. During the meal, yell out, "Oh my gosh! It's still alive!" Grab your knife and start hacking at the meat.
26. Dress in clothes with lots of pockets. When you're in the dining hall, stuff them with all the food you can find. Waddle out of the dining hall, but on the way out, remark how the dining hall never has enough food.
27. more...

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away.

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
41. Dress up in coat and tie. Find a table where everyone's done eating. Inform them of the daily special desserts and take their orders.
42. Spill your drink and tray on a person and run off.
43. During the meal, tell about the time you beat a boulder to death.
44. Find a full table. Ask, "Is anyone sitting under there?" Proceed to eat beneath the table. Ask for amenities such as napkins and ketchup. Comment on how nice everyone's shoes look.
45. If sitting with someone with whom you're romantically interested, complain how the setting isn't very romantic. Apologize. Then give a look of resolve and proceed to smash all the lights in the dining hall. Sit back down and remove the shattered glass from your partner's food.
46. Bring in a cordless or cellular phone. Order pizza.
47. During the meal, complain how terrible the virus is more...

& Grandma of a boy don’t like eating medicine. So the boy went to the doctor and asked what he could do. The doctor tells him a trick. The boy came into home with some sweet and put the medicine inside it and gave it to Grandma to eat the sweet as she likes it very much. & After eating sweets the Grand son told to Grandma, “I am very happy to see that you have eaten all the sweets. ” Grand Ma replied, “Yes I have eaten all sweets but I didn’t like the seeds inside them and removed all seeds from it.