Counter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman goes to a new bar at the top of a skyscraper and over by the counter she sees an attractive man. She keeps her eye on him as she orders a drink, and she sees the man take a shot and jump out the window.
She's so shocked she can't speak, but moments later he walks back into the bar. He goes back to the counter, orders another shot, takes it and jumps out the window. Sure enough moments later he walks back into the bar again, completely unharmed.
She walks over to him and says, "I've been watching you, and I've got to ask what is going on. We're thirty stories up!" He leans over and passes her a shot, "If you take a shot of this, you can fly." So she takes the shot, jumps out the window, and plummets to her death.
The bartender looks over and says "Superman, you're a real asshole when you drink."

A shapely farm girl waited on customers at the rural Mom and Pop grocery store. She was a perpetual draw of the young teenage boys in the town, not because of her beauty, but because she always wore a mini-skirt and no underwear.
Every day the boys would step up to the counter and ask for items that were on the top-most shelf in front of them. The young beauty would climb the 8-foot ladder behind the counter, then stretch as far as she could reach to retrieve the merchandise. The bulging-eyed boys would ogle the bare-bottomed delight and leave with their purchase and a bulge in their pants.
The young girl got tired of climbing the ladder for every boy who came into the store and tried rearranging the stock by putting slow-moving items on the top shelf, to no avail. No matter what she put on the top shelf, that was the most popular item of the day!
One Saturday, she was waiting on two young boys and an old farmer who had come to town for his weekly groceries. The first more...

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are - very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

Robert Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested one day, "Why don't we take a cruise for a week and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young?"He thought it over and agreed. Bob put on his hat and coat and went down to the corner drug store. He stepped up to the counter and asked for a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms.Upon returning home his wife greeted him at the door saying, "You know dear, I've been thinking it over. I see no reason why we couldn't manage a month-long cruise. so we could relax and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young."Bob smiled, turned around, and went back to the pharmacy. He stepped up and ordered 12 bottles of seasick pills and a dozen boxes of condoms. Upon returning back home, his wife met him on the porch with a big smile on her face. "Bob, I have a marvelous idea. You know, now that our children are all on their own, there's nothing to stop us from more...

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

Log On... Make the barbie hotter
Log Off... Don't add any more wood
Monitor... Keeping an eye on the barbie
Download... Get the firewood off the ute
Floppy Disc... What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Window... What you shut when it's cold
Screen... What you shut in the mozzie season
Byte... What mozzies do
Bit... What mozzies did
Mega Byte... What Townsville mozzies do
Chip... A bar snack
Micro Chip... What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem... What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix... Old Dan Matrix's wife
Laptop... Where the cat sleeps
Software... Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster
Hardware... Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
Mouse... What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe... What holds the shed up
Web... What spiders make
Web Site... The shed or under the verandah
Cursor... The old bloke that swears a lot
Search Engine... What you do more...