Counter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”. She says to the salesperson, “I don't want to get emotionally involved... I just want to smell nice. ”

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "D-d-do y-you h-h-have d-d-dildos?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: D-d-do y-y-you h-h-have a-a-a p-p-pink one, t-t-ten inches-s-s l-l-long a-a-and a-b-bout t-t-two inches-s-s th-th-thick-k-k?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"C-c-can y-y-you t-t-tell m-m-me how-w-w t-t-to t-t-turn t-t-the f-f-fuckin' th-th-thing-g off-f-f?"

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second biker walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's coffee and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly paid his bill and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?" "Fluctuations." says the clerk. The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank`s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn`t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he`d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, “Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except-” and he stopped.
“Except what? ” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing. ”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something! ”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis. more...

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are - very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."