Clarinet Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted.
Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces. Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud? A: You can almost hear them. Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!
A guy walks into a bar carrying a very talented octopus. He says as much to the patrons of the bar, and bets $500 that the octopus can play any musical instrument that the guys can produce.
One guy accepts. He lays $500 on the bar, says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my trumpet." So he goes home and gets his trumpet. The octopus looks at it, scratches its head, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a trumpet. The owner pockets his new $500.
Another guy says "Here's $500 that he can't play my clarinet." So he produces the instrument, and the octopus looks at it, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a clarinet. The owner pockets his $500.
Another guy says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my bagpipes." So he get his pipes, and the octopus looks at them, puzzled, then looks at them some more. He does so for about 5 minutes, more...
Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud? A: You can almost hear them.
Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!
My dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it."Oh," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.""How come?" I asked."Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
Eb CLARINET: The Eb clarinet is the Tasmanian Devil of the woodwind family. Entirely uncontrollable and unpredictable, its blunderbuss like emissions can occur without warning. It is as much a danger to its owner as it is to the intended victim. For this reason the Eb clarinet is not in wide use today and only used by highly trained professionals and circus band daredevils.