Cheat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Abby:My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him.This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat.I don't know what to do.SignedFrustrated
Dear Frustrated: You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore.

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie.... Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The more...

Three guys died and arrived at the Pearly Gates where St. Peter met them and said, "I realize all three of you have been forgiven because you are here, but before I allow you into Heaven I must ask you a question. The answer you give will determine what kind of car you get. Cars are needed in Heaven because it is so big."
St. Peter approached the first man and asked, "How long were you married?" "Twenty-five years," he replied.
"Did you ever cheat on your wife?" asked St. Peter. "Yes, 6 times, but you did say I was forgiven," he replied.
"Yes, but that's still not very good. Here, you get a Pinto to drive," replied St. Peter.
He then approached the second man and asked the same questions. "I was married for 38 years and I did cheat on her once, but that was during our first few months of marriage. We worked things out and it never happened again," the second man said.
"I am very pleased to more...

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie.... Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, more...

01. I get up at 6 a. m., no matter what time it is. 02. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. 03. One woman`s hobby is another woman`s hubby. 04. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car. 05. It`s what people don`t know about each other that makes them such good friends. 06. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 07. I`m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. 08. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 09. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. 10. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you`ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you`ll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. 11. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore. .. 12. Marriage is not a word; more...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho Marx
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinley
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they more...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho MarxWe in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho MarxI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho MarxPolitics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho MarxEighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie MasonPerfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset MaughamThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavranMarriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinleyMen have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. MenckenBachelors more...