Burn Jokes / Recent Jokes

How did Hellen Keller burn the right side of her face?
She answered the iron.
How did she burn the left side of her face?
They called back.

181. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. 182. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. 183. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave at her. 184. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A golden retriever. 185. Q: How do you check a blonde's IQ? A: With a tire gauge. 186. Q: How does a blonde interpret6. 9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period. 187. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"188. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. 189. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow? A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. 190. Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders? A: Because the can't even keep two calves together! 191. Q: Why don't blonds breast feed? A: Because they always more...

Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18: 22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as
well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18: 22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a more...

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?""Two days ago.""Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?""At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty.""No, I mean what's he taking in college?""He's taking every penny I make.""Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?""He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.""Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?""Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."

Eddie lived next door to a beautiful blonde named Julie.
One evening, as he was driving home from work, he noticed his neighbor's house was on fire. When he got closer, he saw Julie standing in the yard, watching the blaze.
Stopping his car and getting out, he rushed over to her. "Julie, your house is on fire!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, I know," a calm Julie replied.
"Well, aren't you going to do anything?" Eddie inquired.
"Nah, let it burn," Julie said. "I have enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."

How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for french fries.