Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was talking with his buddy and said, "I have no idea what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy whatever she wants. I'm really stumped. Do you have any ideas?"
"Why not make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled," replied his buddy.
So, the man did as his buddy suggested.
The next day, his buddy asked, "So, did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," replied the man.
"And... did she like it?" asked his buddy.
"Oh, yes," answered the man. "She jumped up, thanked me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran out the front door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour!'"

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said. ''I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,'' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The thrid string says ''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?'' more...

A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said the fellow.
"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour!' She should be back any time now..."

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even more...

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."

This guy is out golfing with his buddy one day and he says, "Man I haven't gotten laid in what seems like forever. I don't know what it is I'm just not getting any." So his buddy says, "Hey man I'll lend you my Asian cleaning lady. She'll come in give you a beer, clean your house, fuck the hell out of you, and best of all she can't speak a word of English." So the guys like really man you mean it? And his buddy says,

"Yeah sure I'll send her over tomorrow."

So the next day this guy is at home and this cleaning lady shows up.

She hands him a beer, goes about cleaning his house, and when she's done stands over him and undresses. So they start going at it and she starts screaming "SAMPOWHY, SAMPOWHY!!!" And of course he starts thinking he's like super stud to get the lady to scream like that.

The next day he's feeling all good about himself and he's out golfing with his buddy again. On his first shot he more...

there were to guys they were really drunk but one was drunker then the other. They decided to get them selfes some whores. So they went to the whore house and said I want two whores for me and my buddy here. The lady
said well I can give you one the others are either out with a customer or are sick, so you can have me but I also have blow up dolls. Hmm He thought for a minute and then said ok my buddy here is so drunk he will not even notice the differnce. So they took the ladys to the local hotel for the night. so the next day the met at the front of the hotel
and the guy who was alot more drunk akedthe not so drunk guy how was your night and he said it was pretty good. Then the not so drunk guy asked the really drunk guy how was your night he said it was good till she I bit her tit she let a fart and flew out the window.