Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Things that make me cringe!:1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often? 4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead? 5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after more...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

A couple of airplane mechanics are kicked out of the local bar and,
with no place else to go, end up in the hanger at SFO. One of them
says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" "Nah, but I
hear you can drink jet fuel - that'll kinda give you a buzz."
So they get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinking
buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he
knows his head will explode if he gets up. But It doesn't. He gets up
and feels good, in fact he feels great - NO hangover! The phone
rings, it's his buddy. the buddy says "Hey, how do you feel?"
He said, "I feel great!!, and the buddy says, "I feel great too! You
don't have a hangover?" and he says "No - that jet fuel is great stuff
- no hangover - we ought to do this more often" "Yeah, we could, but
there's just one thing....
Did you fart yet?"
"No... more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O. K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time." Earthling take me to your leader!"No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then more...

A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.' Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.' Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'

Confused, the man went to his buddy, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.' Let me tell you a story,'

Replied the buddy.

'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.' Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.' Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'

The man protested:' What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?'

The buddy responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed"

You Might Be Addicted to AOL if...
... Tech Support calls "You" for help.... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's.... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone more...

You Might Be Addicted to AOL if... Tech Support calls "You" for help... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy you more...