Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong."Ohhh, its my girlfriend.""Whats the problem?""When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."

There's this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a guy stops and ask's if he needs a ride to town. The guy say's, yeah. He hop's in, the driver say's, what about your camel. The guy said, Oh, he's ok, he know's his way to town. So the driver start's driving, he get's up to about 45 MPH, and he looks in his rearview mirror and see's the camel right behind him. He say's to the guy, hey buddy ya know your camel is behind us? The guy say's, yeah it's ok, he knows his way to town, speed up a little. The driver speed's up to about 55 MPH, he's driving along, and look's behind him and again see's the camel. And say's to the guy, your camel is still there. The guy say's, he's know's the way, speed up a little. So the driver speed's up to 65 MPH. He drive's for a bit, and look's behind him, and look's at the guy and say's, hey buddy your camel he's looking pretty rough. The guy say's, oh yeah, what's he doing. The driver say's, well, his ear's are folded back and more...

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I want to ask where the bathroom is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the whole room for the TV remote, just because they refuse to walk up to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
4. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that!?" No stupidnose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling up there! What did you come here for?
5. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
6. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how more...

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth

Things that make me cringe!:
1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often?
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would more...

This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night."His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened."The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch."She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door.