Brothel Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins."How am I doing?" He asks."Three knots," she replies."Three knots? What's that mean?""You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

One day at school, the teacher was talking to the class about there parent's occupations.
Jane put up her hand and said, "My mother is a nurse".
The teacher said, "That's wonderful, she helps to cure sick people."
Andrew then out up his hand. "My father is a pilot," he said.
The teacher said, "Congratulations! Your father helps people get to where they are going."
Johnny then said, "Miss, my father plays the piano in a brothel."
The teacher quickly changed the topic, but kept it in her head for later reference.
At the parent/teacher night a month later Johnny's parents came to see the teacher and the teacher asked him if he really was a piano player in a brothel.
Johnny's father replied that he wasn't. But that is what he told Johnny because he didn't want to admit to being a lawyer.

George meets his best friend Michael in the street and is very excited. Asked why, George tells Michael that he has heard of a brilliant new brothel.

"Why is it brilliant?" asks Michael.

George says, "Well you go in there at 9am, have all the sex you can handle until 12: 30, stop for a 3 course lunch, and have all the sex you can cope with until 4. 30pm. Then you have chocolate cake and coffee and just as you leave they give you $500 in your hand!"

"Jesus!" says Michael. "Where is this place?"

George says "I don't know, but I'll ask my wife tonight when she comes home."

Earl won first prize at a Opening Day tournament which was an envelope. When he opened the envelope, he was very surprised to find a voucher for a free visit to a brothel. As he had never been to a brothel before but he decided to go the next day. The girls were very friendly and soon he found a lovely young lady and went with her to her room. Five minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked, "Can you tell me what a Mulligan is?"

Two men in Ireland are digging a ditch, which happens to be directly across the street from a brothel. Suddenly, they see a protestant minister walk up to the front door of the house of ill repute, look around, and finally go inside.
"Ah, will you look at that," says one of the ditchdiggers to the other, "What is our world coming to when holy men are frequenting prostitutes? It's a damn shame."
A few minutes later, a rabbi walks up to the door of the brothel and walks in.
"Can you believe what we're seeing here John?" says the ditchdigger. "Why, it's no wonder the youth today are so confused. The example the clergy is setting is bloody shameful."
Next a Catholic priest enters the whorehouse.
"Ah, what a pitty," says the ditchdigger to his friend, "one of the poor ladies must be dyin'."

Victor, after a long, hard days work, decides he needs some relaxation, so he goes to his local brothel. He enters and finds the Madame. As it's the busiest time of the day, there is only one girl left, who is Chinese and doesn't know a word of English. "I'll take her," He says desperately, as he is also in a hurry. So they proceed upstairs and get down to business. As Victor is going full whack the girl begins to shout out, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" To which Victor assumes that this means, great, fantastic, etc, so he continues unperturbed.
The following day he is at a golf meeting with a wealthy, prospective Chinese client, and is trying to impress him in any way he can. Just then the client T's off and gets a hole in one. This gives Victor the opportunity to use his newly found Chinese phrase... "Sung wa! Sung wa!" He yells out. To
which the client replies, "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100 what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80. 00 and the girls get $20. 00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100 what cut do the girls get?"

The girls get $80. 00 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!!!". So he handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and more...