Brothel Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins." How am I doing?" He asks." Three knots," she replies." Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

    A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers... they..."Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."

    A man has been down on his luck and has not been with a woman for a very long time and to make matters worse he only has 2 dollars to his name.
    He goes to a local brothel and asks the owner if he can have a good time there for 2 dollars.
    "2 dollars, I don't think so, beat it!" says the owner
    The guy starts to cry and goes on to explain all that has been going on in his life.
    The owner says "ok buddy, give me the 2 dollars and go to the second floor 3rd door on the right"
    The man hands over his 2 dollars and goes to the room and when he enters the only thing in the room is a chicken. He ponders it for a bit looks around the room carefully to make sure no one is watching, once he finds out no one is watching he decides he is gong to have sex with the chicken. But alas as hard as he tries he can't catch the chicken and he finally gives up and leaves.
    A few months later the guys luck has turned around and he has a well paying job. He returns to more...

    Earl won first prize at a Opening Day tournament which was an envelope. When he opened the envelope, he was very surprised to find a voucher for a free visit to a brothel. As he had never been to a brothel before but he decided to go the next day. The girls were very friendly and soon he found a lovely young lady and went with her to her room. Five minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked, "Can you tell me what a Mulligan is?"

    A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

    The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

    "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only $20.

    "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks

    "Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity"

    "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

    So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

    Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman "Fuck me, a fucking new brothel and a fucking new madam"

    "I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly, but she sees the funny side and let's it drop.

    A little later the woman's more...

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