Brothel Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like ayoung girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man andasks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says." 90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?" "Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"

A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses... they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers.... they..."Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."

Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.

The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!

Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the more...

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said."What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' suchplaces?"A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door andquietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed."Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what withthe example clergymen set for them."After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quicklyentered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaningon his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."

The Madame opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man.
His clothes were all dishevelled and he looked "needy". " Can I help you?" the Madame asked.
"I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies; perhaps someone else."
"No, I want Natalie."
Just then, Natalie appeared, and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per hour. The man never blinked, reached into his pocket, and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left.
The next night, he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, and that there were no discounts, it was still $1,000 for one hour.
Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and he calmly left an hour later.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed more...

Dear Abby:I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters
would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer more...

This guy approaches the Madam of a local whorehouse and says, "Madam, I'm ready to spend top dollar here, but I have some very specific requirements. Do you think you can meet them?"
To which the Madam replies, "Sir, you have come to the finest brothel in the area. Our Ladies are extremely skilled in pleasing a man in every way! Simply name your pleasure."
"Great!" he says, "Now here's what I want. I want a woman that doesn't moan, or groan, or thrash around or even move at all. In fact, I want her to simply lie there like a cold, hard piece of wood."
"Well!", she says, "I must say that is a very unusual request, but I simply don't understand. We have the finest, most desirable and exciting women in the world here. Why would you make such a request?"
To which he replies, "Well, I'm a traveling salesman that's been on the road for a while, but I'm not really horny, I'm just homesick!"