Boston Red Sox Jokes / Recent Jokes

I just want to chase him through Howard Beach onto the Belt Parkway.

Ted Williams' remains were apparently mistreated by a company that was supposed to freeze and preserve the former Red Sox slugger. This is in direct defiance of the Hall of Famer's instructions: "Cut off my head, put it in the freezer, and then continue to treat it with the utmost of respect!"

David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. Ortiz is confident saying that, since his drug of choice is gravy.

David Ortiz is headed to the 15-day disabled list. His new nickname will be Snap, Crackle, and Big Papi.

My apologies to David Ortiz, ‘Big Papi’, of the Boston Red Sox. He was admitted to Massachusetts General, Tuesday, for testing of an irregular heartbeat. I want to apologize because, first, I never thought God would answer my prayers, and second, I didn’t expect God to take me so literally.
When I knelt down in front of the TV and said, “Please God, give David Ortiz a heart attack. Give him deep, stabbing chest pains so he never hits another homerun against the Yankees ever again.”, I was just kidding. I would have settled for a pulled hammy or even a persistent migraine. I never thought he’d actually give him a heart attack.
But, apparently I’m on God’s A-list. I prayed for a five game sweep, boom, let the manna fall, Yankees sweep. I prayed for a parking spot in Manhattan, as soon as I said, a lady pulled out right in front of the club. I prayed for the light to turn green, and it was as if heaven opened up a blessed with green lights from 35th to 60th. I’m more...