Ortiz Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. Ortiz is confident saying that, since his drug of choice is gravy.

    MMA Fighter Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are the proud parents of twin boys. Fortunately Jameson has plenty of experience dealing with two boys at once.

    Red Sox slugger David Ortiz is in the biggest homerun slump of his career. He's still had plenty of Grand Slams, but only at Denny's.

    David Ortiz said he wound up on the list of drug users as a result of over-the-counter vitamins. And because of Dunkin Donuts' new HGH crullers.

    My apologies to David Ortiz, ‘Big Papi’, of the Boston Red Sox. He was admitted to Massachusetts General, Tuesday, for testing of an irregular heartbeat. I want to apologize because, first, I never thought God would answer my prayers, and second, I didn’t expect God to take me so literally.
    When I knelt down in front of the TV and said, “Please God, give David Ortiz a heart attack. Give him deep, stabbing chest pains so he never hits another homerun against the Yankees ever again.”, I was just kidding. I would have settled for a pulled hammy or even a persistent migraine. I never thought he’d actually give him a heart attack.
    But, apparently I’m on God’s A-list. I prayed for a five game sweep, boom, let the manna fall, Yankees sweep. I prayed for a parking spot in Manhattan, as soon as I said, a lady pulled out right in front of the club. I prayed for the light to turn green, and it was as if heaven opened up a blessed with green lights from 35th to 60th. I’m more...

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