Bollywood Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?

Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!

Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a more...

Objective: To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:

* B. S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M. S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:

"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:

Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:

* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry and mint flavors (Patent# 007, 13, 666)

Summer Internship:

Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990

* more...

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain more...

There was this case in the hospital`s Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a. m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a. m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner! !

One cannot achieve succeess with every film. Audiences can
be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.
- Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)


I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
- Manisha Koirala (Actress)


Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
mimicry artist.
- Rani Mukherjee (Actress)


It`s strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
In fact, he`s approached me for all his home productions.
- Aishwarya Rai (Actress)


Just because I`m an actress, why should anyone dare to
assume that I have no morals?
- Preity Zinta (Actress)


I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
- Hrithik Roshan (Actor)

10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill treats her.
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of confronting her father and finally winning him over.
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her with evil intentions.
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have taken due care.
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group shot.
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because more...

Keshto Mukherjee`s wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn`t but would and then call back.
When she hadn`t called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked what had happened. She said `Well, I didn`t have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!`