Awful Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother."Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother."Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!""Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?""Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!""Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"Still sobbing, the bride replied, more...
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn’t believe in retaliation:
1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.
2. When he says “No, ” ask, “Why not? ”
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of “Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence. ”
4. When he’s in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother the 4 letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride more...
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma... as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah..." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...
Tell your more...