Violence Jokes

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    XML is like violence. If it doesn't solve your problem, you're not using enough of it.

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    What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
    1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.
    2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
    3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."
    4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
    5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
    6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
    7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
    8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

    When I began writing this letter, I had the notion that I would write about something positive and optimistic instead of going on about how homophobic Mr. Osama Bin Laden is. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything particularly positive to write about. So, instead, I'll just tell you that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Osama's sermons and brainless practices. In the text that follows, when I quote from Osama, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out. Some will say I exaggerate, but, actually, I'm being quite lenient. I didn't mention, for example, that he says he's going to shower bloodthirsty traitors with undeserved praise quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultracentrifugation". Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that he dreams of a time when he'll be free to brand me as more...

    What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence?

    Tiger's wife makes the cut.

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