Ass Jokes / Recent Jokes

13> Your co-workers are obliviously to the fact that your' DayTimer' is really a leather-bound TV Guide.

12> You're still trying to find a publisher for your book' C-Span for Dummies.'

11> You have DSS, DVD, HBO, MTV, HDTV, MSNBC -- and HSA (Huge Sofa Ass).

10> To reduce' downtime' -- you got an *elective* colostomy.

9> Last night you dreamt Sally Struthers begged you to send money to buy rice for poor, starving Ally McBeal.

8> Your name: Nick Nickelodeon's new channel: Nick for Nick

7> You write daily to the producers of' Bassmasters' to urge them come out with movie version.

6> Your last comment to your most recent ex-wife:' Shhhhhhh! T.J. Hooker's on.'

5> You effortlessly crack walnuts with your clicker thumb.

4> Forget the dish, *you* have your own friggin' satellite.

3> As surgeons painstakingly remove the petrified Cheetos embedded in your gargantuan ass cheeks, you more...

15> Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter

14> Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass

13> Spin the Salt Lick

12> Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

11> Moose or Dare

10> Flying into the' No Fly Zone' over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends

9> Bait-and-Shoot Elmo

8> The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest

7> Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

6> Convince the Elves to Eat' Raisinets'

5> Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass

4> Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

3> Elf Tossing

2> Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

1> The' Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer' Drinking Game

This gay fellow was walking down the street, when he came across a huge guy with a hiry chest. He went up to the guy and said "Excuse me sir, uh do you mind if i ask how you got such a lovely chest? "It's easy" the bloke replied, "you just rub vasoline on it every night before you go to bed" So the gay fellow ran home to his boy friend and told him all about it, and the boyfriend replied "That can't be right, or you would have a pony tail growing out of your ass by now" ******************* A man walked into a bar, and he got very drunk He shouted out so that everyone could hear him, "all lawyers are arse holes!" Then a person shouted back saying that he resented what the drunken man had said. Th drunk man said, "why? Are you a lawyer". No the man replied, I'm an arse hole. ******************** One day they were three suicidal prostitute, they wanted to kill themselves so they decided to jump of a 50 story building. The first more...

Two young brothers are getting ready for bed. The eleven year old announces to his younger brother that he's going to use a swear word the next day. He thinks it will be fun and bring some excitement to their lives. The eight year old decides that he too will use a swear word the next day.
The eleven year old decides to use "hell"; the eight year old decides to use "ass".
The next morning their mother asks the eleven year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Well, hell," says the eleven year old, I'll have some Cheerios."
The mother goes ballistic upon hearing this bad word and launches into a five minute tirade on the evils of using bad words.
When she finally settles down, she turns to the eight year old and asks him what he wants for breakfast.
"You can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!" he tells her.

TWO GUYS WERE HUNTING AND GOT SEPARATED. JOE DECIDED TO TAKE A DUMP, AND AFTER HANGING HIS ASS OVER A LOG HE SOON FELL ASLEEP MEANWHILE HIS BUDDY SHOT A DEER WHILE DRAGING IT BACK TO HIS RIG HE NOTICED HIS BUDDY ASLEEP ON THE LOG AS A PRANK HE GUTTED THE DEER AND PLACED THE PILE OF GUTS UNDER HIS FRIEND'S ASS AFTER RETURNING TO THE TRUCK HE TOO WAS TIRED AND TOOK A NAP A FEW HOURS LATER HE AWOKE TO SEE JOE TRUNDLING ACROSS THE FEILD "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU JOE? LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST" WELL I HUNG MY ASS OVER A LOG TO TAKE A DUMP AND WHILE I WAS ASLEEP I MUST HAVE SHIT MY GUTS OUT IF IT WASN'T FOR THE GRACE OF GOD AND A GREASY STICK I WOULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN THEM BACK IN

A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!" "So what's your hurry," said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."

15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter
14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass
13. Spin the Salt Lick
12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11. Moose or Dare
10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow
burn and Santa dampen his Depends
9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest
7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"
5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3. Elf Tossing
2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey
and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game