Ass Jokes / Recent Jokes

201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. 203. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde? ??? A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children! 204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. 205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought. 206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. 207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. 208. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. 209. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie? A: She liked to be filled with cream. 210. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? A: Looked around for the bastard more...

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.
A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________
KNOWLEDGE:
1. ____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2. ____ Knows only enough to be dangerous
3. ____ Only half a brain and is dangerous
4. ____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I. Q.
ACCURACY:
1. ____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women
2. ____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass
3. ____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten
4. ____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
ATTITUDE:
1. ____ Extremely cooperative (Kisses ass frequently)
2. ____ Brown noser in poor standing
3. ____ Often pisses off co-workers; thinks it's his job
4. ____ Doesn't give a shit, never did, never will
RELIABILITY:
1. ____ Really a dependable little cocksucker
2. ____ Can rely on him at evaluation time
3. ____ Can rely on him to be the first one out the fucking door
4. ____ more...

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.

After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks' Can I have one of those cigarettes?'

Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt' no' asks' Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies' No, it doesn't'.' Then,' said grandpa,' you aren't old enough to smoke.'

Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.' Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man.' No, replies the boy.'' Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply.

By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to more...

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

Old Enough To Start Cussing
Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,"I think I'm
old enough to start cussing."
Younger one, "Me too. Whatcha gonna say?"
Older boy,"Dad says' damn' a lot, so that's what I'll say."
Younger boy, "I'm gonna say' betchyer ass', Dad says that all the time.
They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older
one,"What would you like for breakfast dear?"
He replies, "Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops."
Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,"And what would YOU
like for breakfast?"
Younger son, "Betcher ass I don't want Fruit Loops!"