Annoy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ten Ways to Annoy the person in the Next Toilet...
1. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a melon into
the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
2. Fill up a large flask with Lucozade. Squirt it erratically under the
stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy big boy!"
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a
bodily function noise.
4. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet
paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say,
"Whoops, could you kick that back over here please"?
5. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
6. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall where the person in the
next stall can see it.
7. Say, "Damn, this water's cold!"
8. Say, "Hmm, I've never seen that colour before."
9. Say, "Interesting, more floaters more...

How to Annoy Your Waiter:
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat the check.

Ways To Annoy People On The Subway
Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
Constantly ask people for directions.
Don't take a shower for a month.
Tell the people your problems. They really want to know.

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.5) Improvise Italian operas.6) Gossip about someone to their face.7) Answer every question with a question.8) Repeat yourself constantly.9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.10) Repeat yourself constantly.11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.12) Repeat yourself constantly.13) Change what you repeat every now and then.14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.15) Change what you repeat every now and then.16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.18) Change what you repeat every now and then.19) One word: Caffeine.20) Another word or two: Caffeine more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word more...

50 Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden... Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited To A Dinner Party At His Secret Afghan Lair, by Alan MeissPoint out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?" Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place. Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook. Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle. Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But do not, under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics. Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping. Correct more...