Constantly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
    Date ____________________
    Name _____________________
    Department ________________________
    Title _____________________________
    Supervisor _________________________
    KNOWLEDGE
    1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
    2. Knows most phases of job.
    3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
    4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
    5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
    ACCURACY
    1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
    2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
    3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
    4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
    RATE OF WORK
    1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
    2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
    3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
    4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
    5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
    DEPENDABILITY
    1. more...

    1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
    2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.
    3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
    4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
    5) Improvise Italian operas.
    6) Gossip about someone to their face.
    7) Answer every question with a question.
    8) Repeat yourself constantly.
    9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
    10) Repeat yourself constantly.
    11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
    12) Repeat yourself constantly.
    13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
    14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
    15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
    16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
    17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
    18) Change what you more...

    Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough. "The next person who interrupts the proceeding will be thrown out of my court!" he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, "Hooray!"

    DANGER: new viruses discovered!:
    Congressional Virus v 2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
    Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.
    Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
    New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
    Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
    David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
    Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
    Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
    Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
    Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer more...

    The new name of my Fantasy Football team is going to be "Off Constantly".That way, all of my opponents will say, "this week my team is going to beat Off Constantly."Or, after a victory against me, my opponents will have to say, "Hooray, I beat Off Constantly!"

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