"EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION" joke

EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
Date ____________________
Name _____________________
Department ________________________
Title _____________________________
Supervisor _________________________
KNOWLEDGE
1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
2. Knows most phases of job.
3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
ACCURACY
1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
RATE OF WORK
1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
DEPENDABILITY
1. Very dependable little cocksucker.
2. Usually dependable at salary review time.
3. Conscientious, only if sex urge is satisfied.
4. Can depend on him to be the first one to leave a 4 p.m.
5. Completely incompetent, totally worthless.
COOPERATION
1. Extremely cooperative: Alias "Office Brown-Noser"
2. Brown noser in good standing.
3. Cooperative only if his ass is kissed frequently.
4. Thinks it is his job to piss off coworkers.
5. Doesn't give a shit; never has, and never will.
APPEARANCE
1. Extremely neat and orderly, even combs his pubic hairs.
2. Neat and orderly, at salary review time.
3. Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant.
4. Sloppy, dirty, filthy, smelly bastard.
5. Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.
LEADERSHIP
1. Carries a chain saw around and gets good results.
2. Constantly pisses off the troops.
3. Occasionally gets told to fuck off.
4. Only the janitors obey him.
5. Couldn't lead a pack of starving wolves to fresh meat.
I have read and understand my evaluation; I will attempt to correct all
deficiencies.
Signature_________________________
Date _______________________

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