Hillbilly Jokes

Hillbilly Medical Terms
Benign... What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium... What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan... Searching for the cat.
Cauterize... Made eye contact with her.
Colic... A sheep dog.
Coma... A punctuation mark.
D&C... Where Washington is.
Dilate... To live longer than your kids do.
Enema... Not a friend.
Fester... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula... A small lie.
G.I.Series... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain... Getting hurt at work.
Morbid... A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates... Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff... A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node... I knew it.
Outpatient... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis... Second cousin to Elvis.
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1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you more...

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked." "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.

What do hillbilly chicks and polar bears have in common?
They both lick their paws.

There was a reporter from the city stuck in a small mountainous town in W. Va. He decided to use the time by getting a good story to submit to his boss. He saw an old man sitting outside a local store and went over to begin the interview." Sir, I am writing a story about people in this area and would like to include an interesting story from you. Is there any particular story that you would like to share?" The old hillbilly smiled to himself as he thought back on a time. "Well, thar was the time I lost my sheep. We gathered up a bunch of the boys, got some moonshine in us and went off after it. When we found the sheep, we all took turns screwing it.... my, that was fun!"The reporter couldn't write a story about that so he asked for another." Well, when my neighbor's wife got lost, we all gathered up and got drunk and went out to look for her. We had a good time taking turns with her when we found her, too. Damn that was a lot of fun!"The reporter was more...