Although Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Terminology:
    Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
    Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
    By Laws:
    Vehicle Ownership
    The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back more...

    Dear Mom and Dad, It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very more...

    Politically Correct Little Red Riding HoodThere once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who livedon the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants thatwould probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time tostudy them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred toas "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would havethought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit andmineral water to her grandmother's house." But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people whohave struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages betweenvarious people in the woods?" Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had more...

    (From an article in the Globe & Mail, Jul 26, written by Bryan Johnson, in
    Pakistan:)
    First [he] tells of a pilot who spotted tracer bullets as he approached
    a runway in Northern Pakistan. So the pilot swung around and approached
    the runway from the other end only to find bullets winging by there too.
    So he tried to land on a road and cracked up.
    From whence came the bullets? Afghan rebels? Terrorists? No,
    just "one hell of a wedding party." In the Peshawar region, wedding
    guests can rent an AK-47 for a day for $2 or the use of a water buffalo.
    With tragic results. In one case, "jubilant" cousins accidentally
    "blasted away" the bridegroom's father. The wedding was postponed for 40
    days of mourning, then again celebrated amid "ecstatic volleys of flying
    lead."
    In another wedding in the region, shots from a wedding severed
    high tension electrical wires, the falling wires more...

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married ten times. On their wedding night, as they settled into the hotel bridal suite, she said to her new husband, "Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."
    Puzzled as to how this could be possible, he asked, "How can that be if you've already been married ten times?" His bride explained...
    "Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he spent our entire marriage telling me how great it was going to be.
    Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but promised to look into it and get back to me.
    Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
    Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; although he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
    Husband #5 was an Engineer; while he understood the basic process, he said he needed three years to more...

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