Although Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married ten times. On their wedding night, as they settled into the hotel bridal suite, she said to her new husband, "Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."
Puzzled as to how this could be possible, he asked, "How can that be if you've already been married ten times?" His bride explained...
"Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he spent our entire marriage telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but promised to look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; although he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; while he understood the basic process, he said he needed three years to more...

Men
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they still have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't more...

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.1. First, dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is more...

Three men were hiking through the jungle. All of a sudden a tribe of natives surrounded them, kidnapped them and hauled them to their village. Bound, they were brought before the chief, and the entire village. The chief stood up and said: "you each have the choice death or bonja bonja, if you choose bonja, bonja you will live".
Man number one thought to himself well I don't want to die, I just got married. So he chose bonja, bonja. The chief smiled. The entire male half of the tribe ran up and bum rushed him. Man number one, although barely able to walk, surrvived.
Man number two, although horrified, thought to himself I can't die, I just won the lottery and have every opportunity in the world, and look man number one survived. So boldly he declared "I choose bonja, bonja!". Once again all the males ran up behind him and had their way. In tears man number two hobbled away, in pain but alive.
It is now man number three's turn, he is puking in complete more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my more...