Aged Jokes / Recent Jokes

"When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them."
The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with.
Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug.
The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!"
"Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop.
So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break, "And remember to put some poetry into it" he says.
Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in.
"Can I help you?" he asks. more...

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a youngnewlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastorgoes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sexfor the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastorgoes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstainfrom sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week Ihad to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it." Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to thenewlywed couple and asks,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex fortwo weeks?" "Well Pastor, more...

Howard aged 92 lives in a seniors home. Everyday he uses to take a walk in the garden and whenever he is tired he used to sit on a bench and think of his past accomplishents. There came Mildred aged 82 who used to do the same thing like Howard and on that day happend to sit beside Howard on the same bench. They started a conversation which lasted for hours and finally Mildred asked Howard what he misses most in his life. Howard replied "SEX"
Mildred: "You old fart even if I a hold a gun at your
head you will never get the standup at this age"
Howard: "But Mildred it will be nice if a
woman can hold my manhood for some pleasure"
Mildred: "Suely I can oblige you" and then she unziped Howard and held his manhood gently for him to get the satisfaction he wanted. This became a habit and they both enjoyed doing it everyday as a routine.
One day to Mildred's surprise Howard was not there and she wandered about in the more...

There were these three couples; one elderly, one middle aged, and one newly-wed that wanted to join the church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained, and they replied,' Yes, no problem!' So the minister says,' Welcome to the church!' Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question, and they said,' Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!' So the minister says to them,' Welcome to the church!' Then the minister asks the newly wed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks. The husband says,' We were unable to abstain, on the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me'. So the minister says,' I'm sorry, but you are both banned from this church!' To this the husband replies,' That's O.K., we can't go back to Safeway, either.

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmartand asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, "Do you sell Viagra here?"The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "Perhaps, if you took five or six pills at once you might."

Memo - Subject: Retire Aged Personnel Early As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel. Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R. A. P. E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are R. A. P. E. D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R. A. P. E. D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S. C. R. E. W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers). All employees who have been R. A. P. E. D. or S. C. R. E. W. E. D. may file an appeal with upper management. more...

There were these three couples; one elderly, one middle aged, and one newly-wed that wanted to join the church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained, and they replied, 'Yes, no problem!' So the minister says, 'Welcome to the church!' Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question, and they said, 'Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!' So the minister says to them, 'Welcome to the church!' Then the minister asks the newly wed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks. The husband says, 'We were unable to abstain, on the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me'. So the minister says, 'I'm sorry, but you are both banned from this church!' To this the husband replies, 'That's O.K., we can't go back to Safeway, either.