Pharmacist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, "I'd like 99 condoms please."
    With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Condoms!?! Fuck me!"
    To which the guy replies, "Make it 100."

    A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

    "What did you do that for?" the man asks.
    "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
    The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

    Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."
    The second nun said "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!" The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them."
    The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning sister", said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms please" said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked: "How many boxes more...

    A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'

    The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4.'

    'No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,' growled the farmer.

    'Sir,' said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining,' PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide.'

    'Listen here,' argued the farmer,' my wife's got a bug up her ass and I'm a goin' huntin' for it. Like I said, I want me one of them condoms with PESTICIDE on it!'

    May be offensive to Native Americans.
    A community of settlers was moving in on an Indian Tribe. Most Indian tribes had a medicine man who was the leader of the tribe. Well the settlers were planning to move the Indians off their land to build a town. The big chief of the Indians did not like it at all. So he decided to go to the settlers and tell them that he was not moving.
    The big chief finds one settler and says, "ME BIG CHIEF WANT TO SEE MEDICINE MAN!"
    The settler had no idea what the chief was talking about, so he sent him to the pharmacist down the road.
    The chief says to the pharmacist,"YOU MEDICINE MAN??"
    The pharmacist replies,"yes."
    The chief says "ME BIG CHIEF NO MOVE!!" Well the pharmacist thinks that the Indian must be constipated, so he gives him some ex-lax and sends him on his way.
    A week later the chief shows up again and says, "ME BIG CHIEF STILL NO MOVE!"
    The pharmacist thought about more...

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