Adam Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news", God said.Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you.One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time."

    A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of
    Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
    "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit.
    "They must be British."
    "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful.
    Clearly, they are French."
    "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat,
    and they're being told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian!"

    The Lord decided it was time to make a companion for Adam.

    He summoned St. Peter and told him of His decision.

    He told St. Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure.

    The Lord said He would call this being woman. So St. Peter went about creating this being, which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man. When St. Peter had finished creating this being who could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.

    'Ah, St. Peter, once again you have done an excellent job', said The Lord

    'Thank You, O Great One, I live but to serve.' replied St. Peter.' I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to this..... .. woman. I require your assistance on this matter Lord.'

    'You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more intuitive, more feeling, more more...

    After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, ''It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'' Adam answered, ''Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?''
    The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, ''Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.''
    And the Lord replied, ''Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve.'' And Adam said, ''What is a 'caress'?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, ''Lord, that was even better than the kiss.''
    And the Lord said, ''You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.'' And Adam asked, ''What is 'make love', Lord?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he more...

    Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely.
    Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
    Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??"
    The voice answered, "an arm and a leg."
    Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to more...

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