"Why is divorce so expensive" joke

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she more...

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra?
He's a little stiff now.