"Ways to Confuse Santa..." joke

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him
a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull
goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say "We hate Christmas" and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave until that huge cake arrives.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon
as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have
missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out with
a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy.: )" Leave another plate out
with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty
glass with a note that says, "For Santa.: ("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well,
well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes
and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed
wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure
to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a
red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then
say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."