"There are three ways to get things" joke

There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or tell your kids not to do it.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

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Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to more...

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