"The night before Ramadan" joke

THE NIGHT BEFORE RAMADAN
by Kurl
'Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through Kabul,
With the Taliban facing the end of their rule;
Bin Laden was crouching, all snug in his lair,
For soon he would hang in the town's public square;
As he hid in his cave, dirt and rocks for his bed
Our brave Special Forces will soon hand him his head;
And then deep in his bunker, a THUNDEROUS CLAP!
As Osama prepared for the ultimate nap.
As our B-52s did relentlessly batter,
All his troops and companions attempted to scatter.
From their cavernous fortress, a near blinding flash,
And the Taliban soldiers became corned beef hash.
In December, Afghanistan's covered in snow,
Will it slow our campaign? Hell, the answer is NO!
Our resolve, it is strong, and our mission is clear,
As we wipe off their faces that most hideous sneer.
It will not be tomorrow, it may not be quick,
For these goons spawn from evil, their motives are sick.
More rapid than eagles our forces they came,
With a rage in our eye, and the heat of our flame:
"Now Yassar! Bin Laden! Yo, Saddam Hussein!
We will soon put an end to your terrible reign!
For as long as it takes, we'll pursue east and west,
We will hunt you all down and smoke out your rat's nest.
For wherever you scurry, wherever you fly,
You will stay in our sights, rest assured you will fry.
Just like white is on rice, to your asses we're glued
If you want my assessment, I'd say you are screwed."
It was then that I heard what I thought was a goof...
"We must stop these attacks, for we haven't the proof!
They're a peace-loving people, as is all of Islam,
And you'll soon stir their wrath by persisting to bomb.
We will gather in Berkeley to sing Kumbaya,
And we'll pine for our hero from Hope, Arkansas;
It's our fault, don't you know, now America pays,
For free enterprise, greed, and imperial ways.
We'll light candles, hold vigils, the Koran we will quote,
You'll hear nary a whimper when they come slit our throat.
They can blow up our bridges, rain terror and fear,
And if anyone asks, we'll just quote Richard Gere;
We must yield to their wishes, understand why we're wrong,
We'll hold hands in a circle and toke on a bong;
For it's Ramadan, Ramadan, season of prayer,
Are you done with that bong? Man, I wish you would share!"
We will surgically strike with the deadliest stealth,
They will realize our missiles are bad for their health;
We are proud of the way that this country's been led,
And won't let these thugs cause us horror and dread;
Let us now keep our word, and accomplish our work,
And then once and for all we'll get rid of this jerk,
Then out of our sorrow, an eagle will rise,
As we hold our heads proudly and look to the skies;
Yes we WILL wave the flag at the end of the day,
For our freedom and spirit they can't take away.
Then we all will exclaim, as we're hoisting Old Glory,
"Go to hell, Taliban! It's the end of your story!"
(c) somebody, I'm sure, but it ain't me!
Osama Has Sent You An "I'm Sorry" Note
from Blue Mountain Greeting Cards

What's the least popular detergent in Japan?
Tide.

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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur more...

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