"Short Mathematics Joke" joke
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who
cannot.
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say
that on the average he feels fine.
Ya' hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a
tangent?
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a
doughnut?
97.3% of all statistics are made up.
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but he was always
right!
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions!
Q & A
Q. Did you hear about the statistition?
A. Probably...!
Q. What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of choice?
A. Zorn's Lemon!
Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two
as determined by the right hand rule!
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A. You can't do that, a mountain climber is a scalar!
Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?
A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)
Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE!
Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape!
Q. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A. He works it out with a pencil!
Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function,
the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A. That's the Law of Spline Demand!
Q. What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A. Mobius Dick!
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier
riddle.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...
Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys more...