Sometimes Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dear Mom and Dad,
    Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened.
    Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Long got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Don't worry it didn't hurt anything very much, just burned part of the chow hall. Scoutmaster Long said we will have to wash the black stuff off of the meat that used to be in the cooler but he said it would be alright. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow more...

    Over near England is a very little island, called the Isle of Man, and a very peculiar thing about the people, on this island is, that they don't believe in automobiles, and the climate is such that they can't keep horses so they all have a donkey or what is commonly called an ass.
    Some have just ordinary asses that you wouldn't look at twice, others have extraordinary asses. The mayor has an ass that nobody looks at twice, but his wife has a beautiful ass.
    People who really know asses say that she has one of the finest asses that they have ever seen. Men often stop her on the way to the market to pat her ass.
    On Sunday they all go to church on their asses. Sometimes the girls ride the boys asses and sometimes the boys ride the girls asses.
    Now of this particular Sunday the preacher had to leave immediately following the sermon so he thought he better have it handy, so he tied his ass just outside the window.
    During the service a fire broke our and everyone ran to more...

    I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
    It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
    Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
    All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go more...

    Warren Buffett's annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders, mailed to them today, contains the usual mixture of anecdotes, jokes, admissions of mistakes and wisdom. Buffett says that companies looking at takeovers should beware of what sellers tell them; to illustrate, he tells this tale.
    A man says to a veterinarian: "Can you help me? Sometimes my horse walks just fine and sometimes he limps."
    Replies the vet: "No problem. When he's walking fine, sell him." (Warren Buffett is a famous US investor; probably the most successful investor of all time)
    -- from Adam Starchild

    Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

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