Mathematicians Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

    MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
    EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
    PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
    COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
    Go to Africa.
    Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
    During each traverse pass,
    Catch each animal seen.
    Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    Stop when a match is detected.
    EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
    ASSEMBLY more...

    A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
    Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
    All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
    The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
    The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
    When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time more...

    Why mathematicians are afraid drive a car?
    Because the width of the road is negligible comparing to its length.

    An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.
    The pure mathematician: "Would $30, 000 be too much?"
    The applied mathematician: "I think $60, 000 would be OK."
    The math finance person: "What about $300, 000?"
    The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"
    "Well, I thought of $135, 000 for me, $135, 000 for you - and $30, 000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."

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