"Merely a Freudian Slip" joke
A guy with a black eye boards a plane bound for Pittsburg and immediately notices that the guy seated next to him has a black eye as well. "What a coincidence," he says to him. "We both have a black eye. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
"Well, it just sort of happened," the second guy answers. "It was merely a Freudian slip. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts I've ever seen was behind the counter. Instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburg, I said I'd like a ticket to Titsburgh. That's when she socked me one."
"Mine was merely a Freudian slip too," replies the first guy. "I was at the breakfast table and wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of cereal'. Accidentally I said, 'You ruined my life you fucking bitch'."
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...