"Merely a Freudian Slip" joke

A guy with a black eye boards a plane bound for Pittsburg and immediately notices that the guy seated next to him has a black eye as well. "What a coincidence," he says to him. "We both have a black eye. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
"Well, it just sort of happened," the second guy answers. "It was merely a Freudian slip. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts I've ever seen was behind the counter. Instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburg, I said I'd like a ticket to Titsburgh. That's when she socked me one."
"Mine was merely a Freudian slip too," replies the first guy. "I was at the breakfast table and wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of cereal'. Accidentally I said, 'You ruined my life you fucking bitch'."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Your mamas so old, that when i told her to act her age she dropped dead!!!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!

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Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!

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