"Listen before you speak" joke

3 backpackers, an Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman walked into a bar in Sydney.The trio walk up to bar, the bartender leans over.He says "
I DON'T WANT ANY FIGHTS! If you start any, all of you will be chucked out.There's a man at the end of the bar, he's 6'5in.and 250lbs and has no ears.He's very sensitive about having no ears and if he catches looking at him, he'll rip ya heads off"
.
2 hours later, the bouncer approaches the three. He turns to the Englishman, and says "
Hey you, what are you looking at?"
"
I was looking at your hair, you have lovely hair, you should look after your hair."
He says "
Why?"
"
Because if you don't, you end up bald like me."
He turns to the Welshman,"
What are you looking at?"
"
I was looking at your teeth, you have nice, white teeth.You should look after those teeth."
He says "
Why?"
"
Because if you don't, you'll end up having false teeth like me"
He turns to the Irishman, he says "
What are you looking at?"
Irishman says "
You got beautiful eyes.Beautiful, beautiful eyes.You should look after those eyes"
.He says "
Why?"
"
Because if you don't, you'll end up with glasses like me and you got no bloody ears to hang them from."

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

200
41

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...

38
11

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

465
214

You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

359
171

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and a Welshman were all sitting in the pub having a beer, when the conversation ran dry.
The Englishman, trying to start it back up again, said, "Guys, I was born on the 23rd April, which is St George's Day, the Patron Saint of England, more...

6
1
Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 3 vote(s). 67% are positive. 0 comment(s).