Irishman Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman are in a bar discussing how stupid their wives are...
    The English man says: You know my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the supermarket last week, she bought $300 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer...
    The Scotsman says: That's nothing, my wife went out last week and bought a brand new car for $8000, and she can't even drive...
    The Irishman says: You think that's stupid, I went home last week and my wife told me that she'd booked herself a two week holiday in Tenerife. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 400 condoms with her, and she doesn't even have a penis...

    There were 3 men. An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman. They all had a daughter. The Englishman said "I found a bottle of vodka in my daughters room, I didn't even know she drank!"

    "That's nothing" said the Scotsman "I found a pack of cigs in my daughters room, I didn't even know she smoked!"

    "That's nothing" said the Irishman "I found a pack of condoms in my daughter's room, I didn't even know she had a dick!"

    Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
    So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
    "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
    Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a faggot and he didn't care."
    The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off... watch and learn."
    So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
    "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
    Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"
    The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch this."
    So the third Englishman walked over to more...

    An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and a Welshman were all sitting in the pub having a beer, when the conversation ran dry.
    The Englishman, trying to start it back up again, said, "Guys, I was born on the 23rd April, which is St George's Day, the Patron Saint of England, so my parents decided to call me George. What do you think of that?"
    The Scotsman replied, "That's a coincidence! I was born on St Andrew's Day, our Patron Saint, so my parents called me Andrew!"
    The Welshman said, "You aint going to believe this! I was born on St David's Day, so my parents called me David!"
    The Englishman noticed that the Irishman was very quiet. So he turned to him and asked, "What's your story then, Pancake?"

    The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.
    Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"
    The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace.
    The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says more...

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