"Gotta Tie?" joke
A man's car broke down in the middle of the Nullarbor plain (in other words: middle of nowhere). There was not another car in sight, so he started walking...
Three hours later no cars had passed and he was getting very, very thirsty. Just then a man riding a kangaroo bounced up.
"Want to buy a tie?" he asked.
"No! Water - quick, help, water."
"Sorry, I've only got ties." and the man and roo bounded off.
Hours later, the stranded man was still staggering along - desperate now for a drink. Another man (and another kangaroo) bounded up to him.
"Water, help I need water." gasped the stranded man.
"Oh, wouldn't you like to buy a tie?" said the mounted man.
"No! Water - quick, help water!"
"Sorry mate, I can do you with a nice polka dot or a paisley or even a hand painted lady - but can't help with water." and off he went.
The man was crawling now, inch by inch he clambered over the baked desert soil. Then he noticed a shimmering in the distance. It looked like a big building. He crawled slowly towards it even though he was sure it was a mirage. But the building became more and more solid looking. Could it be? Yes, it was a giant R.S.L. club there in the middle of nowhere. The man spent his last effort and crawled desperately to the door where he gasped to the doorman, "Let me in, I need water!"
Sorry mate," said the doorman, "I can't let you in without a tie."
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!
Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one
Michael J. Fox has a short one
Madonna doesn't have one and
Bill Clinton uses his a lot
What is "it"?
A last name!
Now what were you thinking?