Y2k Jokes / Recent Jokes

Blonde secretary’s memo to her boss:
TO: My Boss
FROM: Blondie
SUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2K
I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant.
Your loyal secretary!

(With apologies to Country Joe McDonald,
who had nothing to do with this parody.)


Gimme a Y!
Y!
Gimme a 2!
2!
Gimme a K!
K!

What's that spell?
Y2K!
What's that spell?
Y2K!
What's that spell?
Y2K!

Yeah, come on all of you, big strong nerds,
Uncle Sam's laid a bunch of turds.
He's got himself in a terrible place
Way down yonder in cyberspace
So put down your books and pick up a mouse,
We're gonna fix this whole damn house.

And it's one, two, three,
What are we coding for?

< Yippiee! >

Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,
Next stop is on the LAN;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up for William Gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we're all gonna die.

I finally figured out why everyone's having such a hard time with this Y2K problem. They've got engineers working on it. The Y2K problem involves finding a date. .. something that no engineer has ever had much luck with.

The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.

Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
Pick it up and shake it

What's the short cut for Undo?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I create a New Document window?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
Pick it up and shake more...

While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers.

Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P. E. N. C. I. L.).

This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the (P. E. N. C. I. L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without more...

Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K
verification task.
Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on
budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data
files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to
report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs
and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And more...

Dear Boss,

I hope I haven`t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?