Y2k Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to havedinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three importantpeople to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroythe Earth." Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have tworeally bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy theearth." Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have goodnews and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news istomorrow he's destroying the Earth." Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces ofgreat news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

A letter workers may receive after Y2K...
January 4, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time
over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees
are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of
time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of
service.
Please either take 9, 400 days off work or notify our office and
your next pay check will reflect payment of $8, 277, 432. 22 which
will include all pay and interest for the past 1, 200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternative to address the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. In exchange for taking every computer, an Etch-A-Sketch will be issued to all Americans. There are many reasons for doing this: 1. No Y2K problems. 2. No technical glitches keeping working from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing E-Mails. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk: Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has funny lines all over the screen. What do I do? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a new document? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper more...

Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

Y2K Solution:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS)

We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 am there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it.

Just this morning, I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.

I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. more...