2000 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:
    "Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area, an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."
    EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:
    "By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."
    COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:
    "By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel more...

    An Asian man walks into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and
    walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen, gets $66. He asks
    the lady why he gets less money this week than last week.
    The lady says "Fluctuations".
    The Asian man storms out, and just before slamming the door turns around
    and says "Fluc you clazy Amelicans too!"

    Recently, on an outing with my scout troop, the question came up of when the new millenium will begin--January 1st 2000 or 2001. So the Scoutmaster explained that each century begins with year "1" and ends with year "100"-thus the reason why the 20th century began at the start of 1901 and will end at the close of 2000. To illustrate his point, he gathered 15 berries and asked the boys how many he had. Each boy correctly answered "15". His next question was, "Now which berry is number' 0'?" To which one boy blurted out, "The one that isn't there!"

    REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM

    New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes

    1. How much money did you make in 2000?
    2. Send it to us.

    For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units....
    1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
    2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
    3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
    4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond
    5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram
    6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knotfurlong
    7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
    8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
    9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
    10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
    11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
    12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
    13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
    14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
    15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
    16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
    17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards
    18. 1 more...

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