Wondering Jokes / Recent Jokes

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
Straighten it. Ignore it. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction: Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation Important social contacts A feeling of connectedness with other humans In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions: Get it over with as soon as possible Avoid getting invited to something more...

Uncle Hubert noticed that his nephew Johnny was watching him the whole time.
' Why are you always looking at me? ' he asked.
' I was just wondering when you were going to do your trick,' replied Johnny.
' What trick?' enquired Uncle Hubert.
' Well, mum and dad say you drink like a fish.'

Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If more...

Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group more...

Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first.2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.7. Taxis stop for us.8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies... (you get the point).11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.16. If we forget to more...

An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted." To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me." "Of course," she smiled." I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while." The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis. One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched. He looked up at her and smiled." Parkinsons," he replied.

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "Im looking for my car, and I cant find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"