Witch Jokes / Recent Jokes

You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.")
You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
bit.
You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

A man, who was an average golfer, was on the 11th tee at Augusta. He promptly shanks a shot into the trees. Upon discovering his ball, he found it to be next to a witch.
The witch was stirring a pot of golfer's brew. The gentleman asked the witch what the brew was for. The witch responded that the brew would do two things; first he would become the best golfer in the world and secondly his sex life would go to hell. And like most golfers I know, he choose the brew and better golf.
A year goes by and the man has won every major championship and is world renowned for his golf game. But, upon arriving at the 11th tee at Augusta, he hits a shot in the same woods where he reunits with the witch.
The witch remembers him and asks, "How's your golf game?" He responds, "Fantastic!" Then she says, "How's your sex life?" He responds, "Not bad..."
The witch says "Not Bad? What do you mean not bad??" The man says "Twice last more...

Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat? To keep her head warm.

Okay, so. King Arthur is in a heated battle with another king. Now, Arthur has all of his best men in battle, but unfortunatly, he loses. Because kings don't really kill other kings, the king agrees to let Arthur go, if he answers one question. The king asks Arther to find out what a woman wants most. The question must be answered in 1 year's time. Arthur has no idea where to look, so he sends a few of his best soldiers to search for someone who knows what women want. 2 months later, Arthur hears word of a witch who lives up in the northern-most mountains who knows what all women want. Arthur sent his best man, Sir Lancelot Du Lac to find the witch. Sir Lancelot travels for many moons, until one day, he finally finds the witch. He walks into the cave and sees only a bear. He says, "Kind bear, will you please tell me where the witch is?"
The bear replies, "What business do you have here?"
"I need to find out what women want the more...

An old man, living in New Orleans, goes to a Haitian witch doctor living outside the city, to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The witch doctor lights some candles at a small altar covered with chicken bones and feathers and begins a short incantation to set the mood.

He then turns to the old man and says, "I may be able to help you, but only if you can tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Q: How can you enter a haunted house?
A: With a skeleton key.
Q: How can you fatten up a ghost?
A: With ghoulash and spooketti.
Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.
Q: How can a witch tell the time?
A: By using a witch watch.
Q: What is bigger than a monster but lighter than a bird?
A: A monster's shadow.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a ghost with a black bird?
A: A scare-crow.

Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights.
Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
Q: How does a witch tell time?
A: She looks at her witch watch.
Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster?
A: In the mirror.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.
Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?
A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
Q: What's the best place for a mirror?
A: In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.