"You Might Be Giving Pagans A Bad Name If" joke

You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.")
You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've suddenly realised in the middle of a ritual that you
weren't playing D&D.
You've failed to realise at any point in the ritual that you
weren't playing D&D.
You've suddenly realised that you are playing D&D.
Your Book of Shadows is a rulebook for Vampire: The Masquerade
with notes in the margins.
You've ever effected an Irish or Scottish accent and insisted
that it was real.
You talk to your invisible guardians in public. (Score double
if you save places for them in crowded restaurants) (Score triple if
you admit to having sex with them)
You've ever claimed to have met the Vampire Lestat or
Dracula. (Score double if you got into a fight and escaped) (Score
triple if it was no contest)
You've ever tried something you saw on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.
You've ever had to go along with someone's ludicrous story
because it was twice as likely to be true than most of the crap you
You expect your employer to exempt you from the random drug
testing because of your religion.
You've won an argument by referencing Drawing Down the Moon,
knowing damn good and well they haven't read it either.
You've ever referenced the Great Rite in a pick-up line.
Someone has had to point out to you that you do not enter a
circle "in perfect love and perfect lust." (Score double if you
argued the point.)
You claim to be a famtrad (hereditary), but you're not. (Score
double if you had to tell people you were adopted to pull this off.)
You claim to be a descendant of one of the original Salem
Witches. (Score to a lethal degree if you don't get this one.)
You've ever used tongue delivering the fivefold kiss. (score
double if you did it more than once.)
You've ever used reincarnation as the intro for a pick up
line. (You may deduct this point if it worked.)
You think it's perfectly reasonable to insist that, since
every tradition is different, and no one tradition is right, there's
no reason not to do things your way.
You request Samhain, Beltaine, and Yule off and then bitch
about working Christmas.
The thing that drew you to the Craft was the potential to
dance with naked members of the opposite sex.
You strip in a club like the one in Porky's under your craft
name, and consider it highly appropriate.
You've ever been psychically attacked by someone who
conveniently held a coven position you crave, and suddenly had a
glimpse into their mind so you could see how evil they were.
You've ever achieved position or influence in a coven by
sleeping with half of it.
You claim yourself as a witch because how early you were
trained by the wise and powerful such-and-such. Of whom nobody has
You complain about how much the Native Americans copied from
Eclectic Wiccan Rites.
You're not a hereditary witch but you have a good disposition
to it because your ancestors (the ones before your german parents)
were Native American or Irish.
You don't know the difference between Irish and Scotti

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