Craft Jokes

You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.")
You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
bit.
You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the more...

I used to be smug about the Y2K problem even though it was definitely a problem with 100% probability of occurrence. But then I got to thinking about chaos theory and what really causes big problems and disasters. It's the little unexpected things. For example, a barge strikes a bridge causing a train to fall into the water. Who would have predicted that?
So, here's what you really need to watch out for in 1999:
El Kabong. We all know about the problems caused by El Nino and La Nina. No one expects them both to occur simultaneously! They say it's impossible. Ergo, what do you suppose will happen? Both El Nino and La Nina at the same time. I call it El Kabong! It turns out to be the greatest natural disaster in modern time - but wait, there is finally some good news...
Due to the change to the Euro-dollar, a software glitch introduced by a Y2K date fix prevents a stock market meltdown. Investors would have been saved billions when what was just a 1-day panic was suddenly more...

Monday, 9:00 a.m.
Hi Loretta,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself
to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got
up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I
handpainted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in
peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white
horse to pull it from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft
room.
By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for
my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart
twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I
didn't have time to make the table and chairs this morning, so I used
the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add
just a touch of the holidays. So, I repainted the room in pinks and
stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade more...

Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.
Then, to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room. By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.
While the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the more...