Wine Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and hes stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"And the minister says, "Just water."The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, Hes done it again!"

There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good more...

...3 Napa Valley winery workers were arrested and charged with destroying a newly budding crop of a neighboring winery in order to increase the value of their wine. The 3 were charged with Statutory Grape.

Rupaben: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.
Kanjibhai: Are you describing the wine or your mother?

During the reign of Shizong (1522-1567) of the Ming Dynasty, there lived in Wuxi two good friends named Wang Fu and Zhang Xiang, respectively. Both of them were men of plenty of guts and believed in neither ghosts nor gods. One summer day found them drinking in the glow of the setting sun on the bank of a rivulet. Said Wang: "Yonder on the opposite bank a man was interred yesterday somewhere in the burial-mounds. Dare you cross over and drag the body out of the coffin? " " I can do that under cover of night," replied Zhang. "If so, " said Wang, " I'll stand you an urn of wine brewed in the twelfth moon. I'm going to get it now and wait for you. " Presently the sun disappeared below the horizon and Zhang crossed over to the opposite bank of the rivulet. There, among the burial-mounds he found to his surprise a coffin with its lid already removed. Full of suspicions, he approached the coffin to take a close look when all of a sudden a pair of arms more...

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good more...

>An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source
> of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling
> through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a
> sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards
> ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
> discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there
> may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out
> pops
> a genie. But
> this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi,
> complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
> "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three
> wishes."
> "I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a
> Jewish genie!"
> "What do you have to lose? It looks more...